Why is it that bras for little boobs are pretty and cute and come in 41+ different colors, and bras for big boobs are boring and sad and come in nude and slightly darker nude?
How is it possible to detest everything in my closet, but when I start to get rid of something, I develop a deeply sentimental relationship with it?
What’s the deal with fun-size candy? What’s so fun about getting LESS candy??
How long will women keep getting offended about being told they should be in the kitchen before they realize that the kitchen is freaking awesome because the kitchen has food?
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons? (I’ve seriously wondered this since I was a kid)
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these things and drink whatever comes out”?
How do you find the perfect balance between complete laziness and glorifying busyness?
Why is it that when you fix your hair and put some makeup on, you don’t see anybody, but when you go out in public looking like a homeless ghost, you run into literally everyone you know?
How is it possible to be COMPLETELY full of green beans and yet always have room for dessert?
Why are carbs so hypnotizingly delicious??
If you’re a vegan who ran a marathon and got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which one to bring up first?
Are narwhals nars or whals?
Why is pasta so hard to measure unless you’re cooking for 37 people?
Why is it so easy for some people to get pregnant and so difficult for others?
How will we ever know if a color shade is consistent? Like, we can agree that the sky is blue…but what if we’re seeing two totally different shades of blue??
Why, when someone says “30 years ago”, does my brain still automatically go to the 70’s?
What on earth is the difference between fancy ketchup and regular ketchup?
Why do dentists always ask you two dozen questions when their hands are in your mouth?
How long will we continue to fool ourselves into thinking that gossip is a good way to bond with someone?
Why does nail polish on your fingernails chip within the first 2 hours, but nail polish on your toes lasts like 10 million years?
How does losing weight actually work? Like…where does it go?
When do babies maturing into young children stop getting away with chunky fat rolls, big bellies, and leg dimples being cute?
What are neighborhood dogs saying when they bark at each other every morning?
For that last one, I’m 99.7% convinced that my dog Fitz is part of the totally-real communication chain from 101 Dalmatians. Or he has a girlfriend that he didn’t get to bark at all night since we keep him in the house until we leave for work. Or he’s sharing the good news of Jesus Christ. We’ll never know for sure.