How to Know Who Your Real Friends Are

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Making friends when you’re a kid is SO.MUCH.EASIER. than making new friends as an adult. As a kid, pretty much all you have to do is share your snacks, show up at their birthday parties, play nicely together at school, find out what his or her name is, and you’re all set. But once you become an adult, the playground method of announcing someone as your friend doesn’t really work anymore, and over time, your genuine friend group becomes more defined and quite a bit smaller.

I’m the kind of person who believes in “Once friends, always friends.” I hate losing touch with people who were important to me, even though I know it’s inevitable. Sometimes friendships really are forever, and sometimes they are just for a season. But either way, finding true friends is a gift from God, and the friendships I have cherished the most over the years always seem to have the same things in common.

First of all, distance doesn’t diminish them. You may not be able to hug each other’s necks and talk in person as often as you’d like, but no matter how far apart you live from each other, you make a point of keeping in touch, even if it’s just checking in via text every now and then. Technology is such a blessing for this exact reason. Although in a perfect world, all of the people I love would live within 15 minutes of me, haha!

You can also tell a friendship is a solid one when nothing is off limits in your conversations. Marriage, sin, parenting, your past, weaknesses, family problems – it’s all on the table, and you don’t shy away from any of it for very long. You know each other well enough to know the right questions to ask, and you don’t sugarcoat your answers or try to lie to each other. You aren’t afraid to talk about hard things. You tell each other the truth, and the openness and trust between you is refreshing.

For a Christian, some of the absolute best friends you’ll ever have should come from within your church family, and especially from the church you’re a member of. The love that followers of Jesus have for each other is unique, powerful, and very special. Having common interests is a great catalyst for a new friendship, but I have been astounded by how much a mutual love for the Lord and desire to serve Him can bond you with someone, regardless of whether or not your music and movie preferences align.

Another way to know you’re really comfortable with a person is if you can be quiet together sometimes and it’s not weird. If you don’t feel the need to fill an awkward empty silence, that is significant. It’s nice to just hang out with someone without feeling like you always have to have something funny or surprising or intelligent or cool to say. You can just be together. Of course, usually with those people, you want to talk with them. But the fact that you don’t have to is pretty special.

Finally, I’m convinced that the best friends in the world are the people who really mean what they say. When they tell you they will pray for you, they actually do it. And then they follow up with you in a week or two about whatever they prayed for. When you’re sick, grieving a loss, or just generally in need, they ask “Do you need anything?” and actually mean it. They aren’t secretly hoping you’ll say “Nah, we’re good” so they are off the hook. They genuinely want you to tell them what you need so that they can take care of it.

I’ll leave you with two questions:

  1. Do you have friends like that? I’m sure you do, so go tell them you love them. Yes, right now. Call them, text them, write them a letter – but do it now. Time is short. ♥
  2. Are YOU a friend like that? Are you the kind of person people can rely on? Are you honest AND kind? Do you mean what you say?

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
— Proverbs 27:17

“But God so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.”
— 1 Corinthians 12:24b-27

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and prayer. …All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
— Acts 2:42, 44-47

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