2020 has been a weird year, can I get an amen?? Literally every piece of our lives – socializing, celebrating, working, shopping, traveling, exercising, worshiping – has irrevocably changed. I have had to continually remind myself that good things happened this year, like the epic surprise trip to NYC for my 30th birthday before COVID hit, that time I learned how to make homemade chicken pot pie, and the fact that I found a workout that I truly enjoy and have made exercise part of my normal routine for the first time in my entire life. But overall, to me, 2020 has felt like ordering my all-time favorite meal and getting served a big bowl of rejection with a side of failure instead.
I didn’t get accepted into Lysa Terkeurst’s writing bootcamp.
Forced to miss multiple weddings, birthday parties, and other large gatherings.
A cancelled vacation.
No closure for the final school year before retiring for two of the most influential people in my life: my dad and my college mentor.
Receiving feedback at work that was needed but hard to hear.
No baby, for the 7th year in a row, and one less Fallopian tube.
I feel like I’ve had one door after another slammed in my face this year, guys! And I know I’m not alone – I bet you could add your own list of disappointments, huh? I don’t think anyone could have anticipated what 2020 would bring. We’re all at the end of our rope. We’ve spent about 75% of our year scared, angry, disoriented, or just exhausted, waiting for things to “get back to normal,” knowing that they probably won’t, and trying to reconcile our ruined plans with God’s promises about giving us hope for the future (Jeremiah 29:11) and working everything out for our good (Romans 8:28).
It’s a lot.
I wish I could know for sure whether or not I’ll have a biological kid someday, or if I’ll ever actually publish a book in the traditional sense. I wish I could know how it’s all going to work out. I have a master’s degree in convincing myself that if I could just know that things are going to happen at some point, then I could let go of when that moment will be. But that’s a lie. Even if I could have that assurance, I would probably become fixated on how to make whatever it was happen faster and complain “You’re taking too long, Lord! Hurry up!!”
So what do we do in the meantime? What do you do when your breakthrough doesn’t come? How do you respond when you’ve prayed, and cried, and fasted, and asked for good advice, and prayed some more, and you’ve done everything you can think of but you still feel stuck and you don’t know what’s next?
I’m not gonna lie to you…I don’t know.
I’m in a season of waiting for ALL OF THE THINGS TO HAPPEN and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.
Normally, I would take a step back and ask myself, “Okay…Lord, where am I being disobedient? What have you asked me to do that I’m not currently doing?” Almost every time I start to feel stressed, directionless, or confused about something, I can trace it back to my own lack of discipline and obedience to God in the most basic of areas: prayer, Scripture, and community. God cannot and will not bless other areas of my life if I am living in apathy or defiance toward Him. Why would He allow me to start something new if I’m not devoted to doing the things I already know I’m supposed to do?
This has been my answer in the past. But not now. Other than my day-to-day imperfections and failures (all of which God is continually refining and sanctifying), I genuinely believe that I am walking faithfully in the things God has called me to do. So here’s what I’ve decided:
- I’m going to live my freaking life. I’m done imagining a future state that may or may not ever materialize. I’m not saying it’s bad to have goals or plans, but I’m obsessing so much about “What if’s” that I’m missing things that are happening right now. I want to be where my feet are and love the life that I have, instead of lamenting the life that I don’t have.
- I’m going to pray for YOUR breakthrough. What are you waiting for? What are you asking God for? Please, please share your heart’s deepest prayer request with me via a comment, email, private message, text, carrier pigeon, etc., because I want to go to the throne room on your behalf and watch as God does infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
I’m serious. Send me your prayer request. Yes, that one – the one that you’re contemplating in the back of your mind right now. Ignore those dumb lies from Satan like “It’s not even that big of a deal” or “I hardly ever remember to pray about this myself, how could I ask someone else to?” or “We aren’t even in each other’s lives…why would she pray for a total stranger or someone she lost touch with?” Just do it. ♥