My Excuses for Why I Haven’t Gotten Christmas-y Yet + Things I’m Thankful For

Here are all my excuses for why I haven’t gone swimming in Christmas spirit yet:

  1. …………
  2. I have none.

It’s so depressing, you guys. Christmas just snuck up on me this year. (Yes, I know, “snuck” is not a word…whatever.) All I’ve done is listen to some Christmas music while unpacking my new house.  I haven’t bought any Christmas presents yet, and I haven’t even made a list of presents I’m giving! This never happens to me, because I LOVE CHRISTMAS. Daniel Some might say I love it a little too much. I am that person who:

  • finalizes her Christmas gift list by October,
  • starts listening to Christmas music on November 1st,
  • has at least four or five presents bought (and possibly wrapped) by mid-November.
  • is ready to put up the tree long before the week of Thanksgiving,
  • and walks up and down the Christmas aisles of every store with the giddiness of a two-year-old eating cotton candy.

All of the busy in my life is finally starting to slow down though, so I’m ready to vomit Christmas all over everyone like I usually do. My to-do list for this week includes figuring out what I’m giving people, putting up our Christmas tree/stockings/wreath, and mayyyyybe doing some Black Friday shopping? We’ll see about that one. For the sake of my husband, though, I won’t bypass Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving too, and I have an abundance of things to be grateful for.

Family time.
As both of our families grow and move, it becomes more difficult each year for all of our schedules to align. More than ever, I cherish the time we are able to be all together. I hate how far apart we all are, but I’m thankful to have people I love enough to miss.

The Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.
Staple of my Thanksgiving experience. I even love the ads, especially the Hershey kiss handbells and B.C. Clark’s anniversary sale. I’ve carried this tradition from Stillwater to Pawnee, to Perkins, to Thackerville, and probably eventually Durant, and I literally can’t remember a Thanksgiving that didn’t include watching it. I hope my kids love it as much as I do, and even if they don’t, they’ll have to watch it anyway.

Daniel’s CPA successes.
I’m so, so proud of him. Those tests are killer, and he’s already passed half of them. I’m so thankful for his hard-working, persevering attitude – he applies it to every area of his life, not just the test-taking part. He’s a rockstar.

Technology.
I’m thankful for Netflix, as silly as that sounds, which has provided endless entertainment and unexpected moments of genuine laughter, not to mention all the inside jokes with Daniel and with friends who watch the same shows we do. I’m thankful for Pandora, which has allowed me to enjoy Christmas music on my phone while my iTunes is currently inaccessible on my thousand-year-old Macbook. I’m thankful for Skype, which gives us the chance to actually see the faces of dear friends who are far away and not just hear their voices.

Friendships that last.
It really is lovely to have friendships that aren’t threatened by time or distance, the kind of friendships you’re comfortable with and confident in. We are in a hard season of saying goodbye to many friends who are moving on to new things, but it’s beautiful to know that the really genuine friendships won’t dissolve. I’d take a small handful of those friendships over   dozens of shallow ones any day.

Celebrating the holiday season in our new home.
Moving was an emotional experience for me. The three years we spent in our old house was the longest amount of time I’ve lived in the same place for the last 8 years, so it was difficult to pack up and leave. But God, knowing my sentimental soul and in His tenderness toward me, orchestrated our move so that it took place right before Christmas, the time of year I look forward to and love the most. I’m grateful to start out this new Hendrickson season during the Christmas season.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Hug your loved ones close and eat an extra piece of pie!

How about you? Are you a “Christmas immediately” kind of person like me, or do you wait until after Thanksgiving to get in the spirit of things?

8 Moving Tips to Preserve Your Sanity

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“I just love that glorious feeling when you’re moving into a new house and everything is going smoothly, and you have plenty of boxes and packing materials, and you can’t believe your luck because you haven’t hit a single snag!”

Said nobody, ever.

I haven’t moved a ton, but I’ve moved enough times to know that things never go as smoothly as you hope they will, and it always takes longer than you expect it will. BUT. I’ve also moved enough times to pick up a few neat tricks to make the process slightly less torturous!

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#1: Know where to find boxes.
Before you go spend a bunch of money, take advantage of your surroundings. Tons of places give away free packing boxes, including liquor stores, bookstores, and grocery stores. These boxes typically have thick bottoms and are great for supporting heavy loads. They also tend to be the best size for dishes and cookware – big enough to pack a decent load, but small enough that the box isn’t too heavy to pick up. And don’t be afraid to ask smaller local businesses if they have boxes too! A much-deserved shout-out goes to Bliss Boutique, a downtown clothing boutique that filled up my car with 15 huge boxes!

#2: Organize packing supplies.
Gather up everything you’ll need and keep it together in a basket so you don’t have to go looking for a new marker every fifteen minutes. My go-to packing items include: boxes (duh), scissors, heavy duty packing tape, Sharpies, oversized labels, and any useful packing materials like newspaper, towels, tablecloths, foam peanuts, and bubble wrap.

#3: Label absolutely everything.
Self-explanatory. It helps SO MUCH. Don’t leave a single box unlabeled. You might be able to look at a box and know where to put it, but if other people are helping you move, they won’t. When you write a label, include both the contents of the box and the room the box should be taken to in the new house.

#4: Pack non-essentials first.
I have to be honest…I didn’t really follow this rule this time. We had a little over a month between the day our offer was accepted and our closing date when we got the keys, and because I didn’t want to sit in an empty house for a month, I refused to take down any wall decorations until this week (much to Daniel’s chagrin). However! I did pretty well paring down the rest of our stuff and packed away most of the things we don’t use as often. Don’t play the “what if I need it?” game with yourself. Look at the remaining amount of time you’ll be in your current house and make reasonable decisions about what meals you’ll fix, what clothes you’ll wear, and what household items you’ll actually need to use before you move out (like cleaning supplies, clean sheets, etc.) – then pack the rest.

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#5: Get rid of stuff.
What’s the point of boxing up and unloading a bunch of stuff that you don’t like or don’t need? Take advantage of the fact that you’re already going through literally everything in your house and get rid of some of the mess. Purge every room; nowhere is off limits. Go through your dishes, your small appliances, your clothes and shoes, your books, your office supplies, your games, your decorations – seriously, everything! Toss something if it’s broken, dirty or stained, or even if you just don’t like it anymore. And don’t forget to allocate a big box for “give away or sell” items.

#6: Make a million lists.
Make a list of bills you pay, mail you receive, services you use, and subscriptions you have so you can change your address for each of them. Make a list of things you’ll need to have readily accessible when you move in so you can pack them separately (toiletries, phone chargers, medications, etc). Make a list of people who have helped you move so you can take them to lunch to say thank you. Make a list of things you’ve already done so you can cross them off and feel better about your life in general.

#7: Pack a suitcase.
Regardless of how short or long your moving process is, you eventually reach the day when you move your bed out and finally spend that first night in your new home. To make the transition easier, pack a separate suitcase with things you’ll need easy access to while you’re unpacking boxes, including shower stuff and a few changes of clothes. Pretend like you’re staying at a friend’s house for a few days – what would you need to pack? Along with your suitcase, pack a bag with clean sheets, pillows, and blankets so you can make your bed as soon as it is assembled in the new house.

#8: Leave room for grace.
I stole this lovely phrase from my friends over at The Unedited Movement, and it’s worth repeating over and over again. If you run out of boxes or bubble wrap, it’ll be okay. If something breaks, it’ll be okay. If you have to keep a giant refrigerator in your laundry room for a month before you move, it’ll be okay. Leave room for grace. Our lives aren’t perfect, but God can handle all the messy details, including the chaos that is moving. Take a deep breath, and then let it out and keep moving forward.

In addition to my own ideas, I got some fantastic suggestions from a few readers that deserve to be shared too:

From Christina (Life With C-Bev):Don’t take your clothes off hangers…just put a slit in the top of a trash bag and pull the bag over 20ish clothes at a time. Then when you get to unpacking…all you have to do is rip the trash bag off and hang up the clothes already on the hangers.”

From Susan: “Pack one box (or laundry basket) with things you will need first, or may even need while you are moving: toilet paper, paper towels, light bulbs, a shower curtain, cleaning supplies, hand soap, trash bags, a small first aid kit. Also, pack an overnight bag with sleepwear, two changes of clothes, and basic toiletries. That will save you rummaging around trying to find your clothes when you are tired and haven’t unpacked yet. And, don’t forget a couple of bath towels!”

From Dianna:Label,label,label. Try to have an idea of where you want things to go before moving in. Breakables= over wrapping. Make sure you and Daniel are on the same page of the moving plan. Unpacking bathroom and bedroom and then kitchen. My kitchen is almost always last since I like bathroom and bedroom essentials first. You have toiletries and bedding. I don’t know if you are moving with lots of help or no help, however, I would still do it the same way. My heirloom pieces I do myself. If something breaks then your helpers aren’t devastated they broke something that can’t be replaced. Dolly’s are an important tool(if you have one). Extra blankets or towels for protecting furniture. I could write you a book. hope this helps.”

From Jacklyn: Dollar stores tend to always have a rack outside of their broken down, sturdy boxes, with a variety of sizes. Since they are broken down, it makes it easier to get home with & place some in each room to be packed w/out taking up a lot of space. You could also have an ice chest packed with water & sandwiches/snacks etc.. That way no one has to stop to take food or drink orders & have to leave or come up w $$ for a delivery. This way everyone can eat & have something to drink whenever they need to. This would be especially good for any diabetics helping out.

From Nicole: The best places to get boxes are liquor stores. The boxes are sturdy and have removable dividers inside. And they always have an abundance. Second, grocery stores on their load days. Find out when those are and ask them ahead of time to save them for you and pick them up before noon. Also, local newspaper printing places have their leftover ends of roles of printing paper for sale for cheap. It’s the best way to go for packing paper! Oh, and always remember what box you packed your silverware and salt and pepper in. And buy new toilet seats.

From Jessica:Don’t bother packing up clothes from your dresser. Just remove the drawers and load the dressers in the truck, then out the drawers back in. You may want something to cover your intimates drawer though. :) Make sure you bring a grocery bag with hand towels, hand soap, toilet paper and a plunger. You will need all of these. It’s a good idea to make this the first thing you add to your new house. My big job is always making sure I know where the bedsheets, covers and pillows are. We usually agree on a bed frame placement before we move things, so it’s the first thing that gets out together. When you’re exhausted and know that you have to unpack the kitchen tomorrow, nothing beats flopping into your already-made bed. We move a lot.”

From Hannah:Label everything!! The room and what is in the box. It will make it easier to find the essentials when unpacking. Also, when unloading try to put the boxes in the rooms that the stuff will be unpacked and put away/displayed in.

From KyLeigh:I would suggest taking the time to go through and get rid of stuff while packing up! This ensures less clutter and time spent doing it in your new home! I would also suggest loading the kitchen stuff last and unloading it first.If you have enough help when unloading I always suggest to start unpacking the kitchen while people continue to unload boxes and bring them in. That’s less bodies in the way and the easiest place to know where you want to put things! You can usually be about done unboxing the kitchen by the time everything else is in and you’re already 1 room down and it tends to be a good amount of your boxes that are out of your way! Lastly, I also suggest labeling every box on at least 2 sides and the top with what’s in it and what room it goes in at the new house! That way whoever is helping doesn’t have to ask a million times “Where do you want this box to go?” Good luck! Moving isn’t easy, but a little bit of organization goes a long way!

From Rebekah: “IPOD -have techno or energetic music going even if on low…I believe it magically gets everything moving quicker.”

From Christi (Christi Gulley Custom Floral):Wardrobe boxes and lots of them…they are the best. Also, use that cellophane on a roll stuff to bind up drawers and doors on armores etc…you literally do not have to box all of your stuff in your drawers…just remove drawers and wrap them with the plastic wrap and load up the drawers…make sense? We even left our silverware right in the caddy…just wrapped it up and stuck it in a box. also, i did purge and organize our office supplies (which were already in little organizer caddies, but then we just wrapped them right up too…so much easy.”

From Cindy:Pack clean sheets, towels, bath soap in your dirty clothes hamper or laundry basket…that way no matter how tired you are at the end of the day you can take a shower, make the bed, and go to sleep. Everything is better in the morning. Label boxes with the room and 1,2,3. 1 needs to open first to be able to function, 2 would be nice to open this week, 3 is decorative or just needs to be stored.

I also love this 8-week comprehensive list from Good Housekeeping – wish I had found it 8 weeks ago!

I’m so ready to be done with the whole moving/cleaning part – but I’ve been a BIG fan of the unpacking part. I love starting fresh in a new place. And I’m so thankful that we’ll be moved in just in time for the holidays.

Have a happy day – I’m off to unpack more boxes!

Our Last Night in Our First Home

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“I already know I’ll cry buckets when we spend our last night in our current house – because it was our first real home. We lived in an apartment for the first six months of our marriage, but we’ve been here ever since. That’s three years of memories – dinners with friends, bible studies, movie nights, birthday parties, and hundreds of conversations. Three years of laughing, crying, fighting, forgiving, building, learning, growing, hosting, and just being. It won’t be easy to leave a place that’s been such a blessing to us.” — from The Next Hendrickson Home

How dreadfully hard it is to say goodbye to such a lovely home. Our house has held more love and learning than I ever could have guessed it would when we moved in. The last three years have been such a joy!

Last night was our last night. I wasn’t 100% sure it would be, but it was. I couldn’t sleep, so, being the overly sentimental sap that I am, I stared up at the ceiling and mentally walked through every room in the house, trying to retain as many memories as possible. This house was quite a project in the beginning. It had been a bank foreclosure for awhile and was in desperate need of some TLC. But regardless of the terribly painted walls and the weak, sagging wood floors, I’m pretty sure I had a vision the first time I walked in the front door. Like…maybe an actual vision. From God. It was as if I had a video playing in my head, a beautiful picture of people being in our house, and of this home being a place of warmth, safety, and hospitality. I saw people enjoying themselves here, feeling protected, cared for, comfortable. Somehow, from the moment I set foot in it, I knew our home would be a place where people’s chains were broken and walls were torn down. And good grief, if it hasn’t been just that. I can’t count the number of Gospel moments this house has held: some painful, some joyful, but all beautiful.

It’s a bittersweet thing, saying goodbye to a house. Sometimes, I feel silly being sad, because it’s not like we’re moving to another country – we’ll still be in the same town, just on a different street. But to be honest with you, I think the reason it’s bittersweet is because I feel like I’m leaving more behind than memories. This move seems to be signaling a change in season for us. And that’s hard to come to terms with, because I have really, really loved this last season. I have loved the freedom, the spontaneity, and the newness. I will miss it, in the same way you miss your favorite sweater that finally becomes too worn out to wear. I’ve loved this season, but it’s time for an even better one. It’s time to move forward. Toward what, you ask? Ha…your guess is as good as mine!

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place… like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
— Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

Homeowners (Again)

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We bought a house yesterday. Is this real life? We bought a house yesterday!! Thank you so much to everyone who has celebrated with us!

I’ve moved a few times before, but I’m always looking for ways to do it more efficiently! What are your very best moving tips? I wanna hear them!

To see inside our house, check out this post!

When You’re the One Who Stays: An Honest Letter to My Long-Distance Friends

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” – Elizabeth Foley

Hey, friend. It’s been far too long. ♥

Long-distance friendships are truly the worst. I think we’ve both told ourselves the same little things to make ourselves feel better – like “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” and “It’s never long distance between friends” – but the truth is that it completely sucks. Living in a college town has made me even more aware of how much it sucks. I hated being the one who left my group of people in Shawnee after I graduated, but in a way, it’s even worse to be the one who stays while everyone around you leaves. Since I moved here three years ago, countless friends have moved away for all kinds of wonderful reasons – seminary, new jobs, grad school, church-planting in Europe, so many kinds of growth in new directions. But even when it’s for a good reason, it’s never easy. Now more than ever, I am painfully aware of how much I miss you.

I miss being able to spontaneously call you up and hang out. It used to be so easy. Those quickly-planned brunches or afternoon road trips were so much more important than I realized at the time. I love that you were always within five minutes of coming over. Even though, when you come over, all we did was sit on the couch and half-watch a movie while our husbands argued about which animal would be more difficult to arm wrestle.

I miss sharing the boring stuff with you. Remember when we could sit and talk about nothing and it didn’t feel like wasted time? Now, I feel the need to cram in all of the “big” things that have happened since we saw each other, and I want to hear all of your “big” things too…but weirdly, it almost makes me feel left out. Sometimes I feel a little behind since I get your updates all at once. It’s not that we didn’t share the big stuff before, but I miss having the luxury of sharing things as they happened instead of months later.

I miss your kids. It took me a long time after Daniel and I got married to even be a little okay with the idea of having my own kids. And your kids were a HUGE part of my heart change. Do you realize that? In the midst of panicking over having kids, I fell in love with yours, and they will forever carry a piece of my heart. I will never not love them. Thank you for giving me the privilege of loving them.

I miss being around people I don’t have to ‘entertain.’ Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE making friends and inviting new people into my tribe. As followers of Jesus, that’s our every-day mission. But there is something so profoundly awesome about spending time with friends who melted into the deepest layer of your comfort zone a long time ago. Friends who you don’t clean your house for. Friends who you don’t have to offer something to drink because they’re already digging through your cabinets. Friends who just get you.

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Sometimes though, my brain stops just missing you and starts worrying. I worry that we won’t see each other for a year (or longer). I worry that you’ll find a better friend than me. I worry that we’ll stop having things in common and forget how to be friends with each other. I worry that we’ll get too busy and slowly lose touch over time.

I try not to minimize those worries, because…I think they’re normal. I think every person has had one of those fears at least once. But honestly? Those fears seem silly when I remember that I have someone to miss. I’m thankful that I’m able to miss cups of heavily sugared coffee with you, dreadful Insanity workouts with you, silly study sessions in the car with you, ridiculously competitive game nights with you, wasting hours of time on Pinterest with you, and late night life conversations with you. How incredibly lovely it is to love someone enough to miss them when they aren’t around.

I know we’ll stay friends. We have the kind of friendship that isn’t threatened by distance or time; I know this. We might have to go years without seeing each other, but when we DO see each other, we’ll go right back to where we left off the last time. We’ll watch each other grow and learn from a distance, through text messages and Facebook updates and the occasional phone call – but we’ll live in each other’s hearts, no matter how far away we may move. We’ve shared too much life with each other already.

I hate that we live apart. But I love you with all my heart, nonetheless.

XOXO – Laura

Why I Drank the Kool-Aid

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I actually did it. I drank the MLM Kool-Aid, and I’m still laughing about it.

I used to hate MLMs. For years, I was completely over seeing a newsfeed full of marketing for products I supposedly needed but couldn’t care less about. And yet somehow, miraculously, surprisingly, weirdly…….I drank the Kool-Aid. I drank the Kool-Aid, and now I have my own hair products business.

Why did I do it? Lots of reasons! Something MONAT encourages you to do is figure out your ‘why.’ Your ‘why’ is what motivates you, something that helps you keep pushing when you want to quit, something that makes all of your work worth it. I had a hard time choosing my ‘why’ because I have too many of them. More on that later.

I resisted the opportunity at first, as I have so many others before it, but for some reason, MONAT kept coming back around. After months of back-and-forth, I finally made a spontaneous decision to do it, which was both exhilarating and terrifying! It’s all thanks to my former boss and friend Juli, an angel who took a chance on the world’s biggest skeptic.

Here’s my story, with every bit of sincerity my heart holds. Please keep in mind two important things: (1) First of all, as I said before – I’m the world’s biggest skeptic and the very last person who would ever get into this kind of business. This decision wasn’t made lightly. The fact that the company was still intriguing to me after all my research and cynicism is nothing short of a miracle. And (2) second of all, I’ve been approached by no less than 20 different people from all kinds of MLMs and even tried some of the products, but THIS is the one that finally got me hooked.

For those of you who have never heard of MONAT, here’s a few bullet points:

  1. It’s a brand new debt-free hair products company that was founded in 2014, and the only network marketing company that deals exclusively with hair care products.
  2. The product line is botanically based, pure, and toxin free (which means no parabens, phthalates, sulfates, glutens, or harmful fragrances or colors).
  3. The products work for all hair types: fine, thin, coarse, thick, dry, oily, and everything in-between.
  4. The major results of the products include crazy good shine, volume, strength, healing/smoothing, balance of oils, and even regrowth!

The company also offers the opportunity to be part of a million-dollar company in its first few years in business, which is what I did. This is a huge deal. The hair product market is already a multi-billion dollar industry because hair products are consumable: you use them up and need to buy more. Most people try dozens of different hair care lines in their lifetime and either get bored or frustrated because the products stop being effective. This happens because most products are tailored specifically to one type of hair issue. My products tackle them all.

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The first time I heard about MONAT, I didn’t get what the big deal was, and I wasn’t impressed even after trying a few samples. I never had major problems with my hair, so my first experience wasn’t all that special. It didn’t bubble up when I shampooed (which I found out was a bad indication of my hair’s health!), but because I was expecting lots of bubbles, I thought the shampoo didn’t even work for my hair. Another friend of mine had extra samples, however, and she gave them to me to try. I made those samples last for two weeks’ worth of hair washes, and by that point, I knew MONAT was something I had to check out because I was disappointed when I had to go back to my normal shampoo and conditioner. My results were very noticeable after only five washes, too good to overlook. My hair was infinitely stronger, and a months’ worth of split ends had vanished. I used to get out of the shower and wonder how I had any hair left (I shed like a cat!), and I noticed less shedding with each wash. And the SHINE. It was unreal. I thought my hair was shiny before….! No. Nothing compared to this. I was blown away by how healthy my hair looked and felt in such a short period of time.

Even with tangible, noticeable results, I still wrestled with choosing whether or not to join the business. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision, and I didn’t want money to become my primary focus in life. If I’m totally honest, my biggest fear was what people would think about me. I didn’t want to be one more obnoxious friend trying to sell something. After a few weeks of prayer, I felt confident that God was telling me ‘no.’ I didn’t want His answer to be ‘no,’ but it was. I respectfully declined Juli’s offer, and a sense of calm and relief came with that ‘no.’ I knew that even though God’s answer wasn’t what I wanted, I was still willing to be obedient and step back.

Fast forward about a month.

I hadn’t stopped thinking about MONAT. I was sure of my choice for the time being, but it was still in the back of my mind. I considered it a very likely part of my future, especially if I stayed home with kids someday. I wanted a way to contribute to our family even if I wasn’t working a full-time job, and during my year of thinking through different ideas, MONAT stood out the most. I imagined myself in the business, dreaming about the events and the networking opportunities and the fun and the financial strength I knew others were experiencing. In a moment alone in my car, I said, “Lord…I’m not sure why I’m still thinking about this. Was your answer a ‘not yet’ instead of a ‘no’?” I kept thinking about it for the next week, praying for peace. The last day of September, that peace came. I got in touch with Juli again, putting the ball in her court and trusting God with either answer – and His answer was a resounding ‘YES.’ My brain has been a wild party ever since.

Since taking that leap, I’ve learned a lot about myself. For example: I panic way too easily. I don’t like change, even good change. I talk myself out of things constantly. I give up on things too quickly. But this business commitment is changing me. In my mind, I’ve almost psyched myself out – but I’m not quitting. I’m in this. I committed, and I’m sticking with it no matter what, because of my multiple ‘whys.’

My first why? Haha…I just wanted to make my initial investment back, and I did! I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that the opportunity was worth the time and money I invested. But once I met that goal, I developed other bigger reasons to keep working:

  • I want to be obedient to the Lord’s ‘yes’ and use my talents to honor Him.
  • I want(ed) to finish paying off our student loans (which we did!!).
  • I want to support our church more.
  • I want to send more college students to do mission work.
  • I want to buy my husband something expensive, just because I can and I love him.
  • I want to save money every couple of months on hair products that I actually like.
  • I want to go on an Alaskan cruise for our 5th year anniversary.

I have a WEALTH of reasons, and they dwarf my fear of failing.

This is NOT just selling shampoo (even though it’s really baller shampoo). It’s the chance to stay home with my kids, whenever I have them. It’s the opportunity to have financial freedom. My goal in the beginning wasn’t to make a million dollars. It was to make $500 by December (a goal that I met, and then some!). What I want is to build a team of people who want the same things I do and are willing to take a leap of faith just like I did.

At the end of the day, MONAT or not – God sustains me. God knows what I need, and He’s always taken care of me. That said, I believe this opportunity fell into my lap at a unique time, and I know He’ll use it for His glory and for my good. I trust Him with my life, and any work I do is to glorify Him, including MONAT.

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Want the healthiest, best version of your hair that you’ve ever had? Me too.
Interested in owning your own small business without going bankrupt? Me too.
Want to pay off your student loans or credit card debt? Me too.
Want to save up for a vacation or a house or a car? Me too.
Want to be able to financially give more to your church? Me too.
Let’s be honest…could you just use a few extra dollars each month to make ends meet? Me too.

If you want to kick it with me MONAT-style, I would love to tell you more about it. Here’s my website if you want to take a look, and if you have questions, just ask! If the business side isn’t for you, give the products a try! No pressure to participate, seriously. But I can promise you this: once you see the difference it really makes on your hair, you’ll never want to use your old stuff ever again.

P.S. I will mention MONAT now and then, but not to worry – it will not become the focus of this blog, as it was not and never will be its original purpose. I’ll keep the quality stuff coming. :) 

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Wanting // Waiting // Worrying // Withdrawing: Part III

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I convinced myself that if I didn’t let myself want kids with my whole heart, I wouldn’t be COMPLETELY shattered if/when it didn’t happen. Just a little bit shattered is better than completely shattered…right? I set up emotional buffers for every worst case scenario. I wanted kids desperately, but I was afraid to want them. I was afraid to get too attached to the idea, because….what if it never happened?
Wanting // Waiting // Worrying // Withdrawing: Part II


Besides getting married, having kids is the only thing I’ve known for sure that I want to do with my life. It feels like it’s been carved on my heart forever. It’s kind of incredible to think how many decisions I’ve made based purely on that desire. (1) I went to a Baptist university hoping to find a good Christian boy to marry who would would be the perfect godly husband and father. (2) I wanted to be an actor on the stage and in film, so I began school as a theatre major. During my first year, however, I discovered that I didn’t ‘want it’ as much as you have to ‘want it’ in that field. If I really wanted to act, I would have to give up a lot of other things, and I wasn’t willing to compromise having a family for a fleeting possibility that I might get my big break somewhere. (3) Even though we don’t have kids yet, Daniel and I have already adjusted a lot of our choices  around a future that includes them, like where we live and what we do with our money. I can’t separate the desire from my person: it’s part of who I am. I’ve tailored my entire life around it. In my moments of career uncertainty, I’ve always subconsciously fallen back on having kids, reminding myself that even though I have no clue what I want to do with my life, having kids is the one thing I do know. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar.

So…how do I deal with the fact that wanting kids doesn’t necessarily guarantee that I’ll have them? It’s a scary reality to embrace.

I’ve dreamed about it forever: the moment when I find out I’m pregnant, sharing the news with our families and friends, feeling those tiny kicks, finding out if it’s a boy or a girl, watching my belly grow, giving birth, and holding that baby in my arms for the first time. I never imagined it any other way. I should mention at this point that I know getting pregnant isn’t the only way to have kids. But regardless, brace yourself, because I’m about to say something really un-churchy and weird: adoption was never really on my radar. I was aware of it, of course; it’s not like I grew up living under a rock. I heard all about different adoption agencies and organizations through my church, and I even knew a few kids who had been adopted into their families, and, as I got older, couples who decided to adopt. I thought it was a terrific idea. But for some reason, I hadn’t ever considered it for my own family. I don’t know why, exactly. I think I just assumed that my future family would look just like the family I was born into: a dad, a mom, and the kids they created together.

But then I met Baily.


Baily is my future sister-in-law (come on, February!) and a complete darling. Her story is incredible, and I’d love to have her share it here, but for the sake of time today, I’ll abbreviate. Basically, she was adopted into a family…in her twenties. She was already considered a grown woman, in college and on her own, and yet a couple with two other teenage children learned about her situation and could think of nothing better than for Baily to join their family. I had never heard of anything like it before. Baily brought the concept of adoption to life because she related it to the Gospel:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.” — Ephesians 1:3-10 (ESV)

How could I have forgotten this? God adopted me into His family. I wasn’t supposed to be part of the family, but He handpicked me and made me feel at home in His arms. I did absolutely nothing to deserve Him choosing me, and yet He chose me all the same. What a beautiful picture of His great love toward us, and a unique way to show that kind of love to others.

Without meaning to, sweet Baily convinced me of both the beauty and the possibility of adoption as a way to make children part of our family. I still long for the chance to physically have children, but for the first time in my life (which yes, is incredibly embarrassing to admit), I’m open to other options. My unintentional narrow-mindedness is shifting, by the grace of God.

Even after all of this, though, I still couldn’t shake a lingering, sinking feeling in my stomach brought on by one tiny little question. I’ve spent my whole life wanting to have kids, my whole life looking forward to those feelings of fulfillment that are sure to only come from those experiences.

But……………………………what if I don’t feel fulfilled?

What if I’ve spent all this time waiting for it and it’s not everything I hoped for?

What if that first baby, that prayed-for, hoped-for, begged-for baby, is snuggled up against my chest one night and I’m looking down at him or her with tears in my eyes because I DON’T have that “Ahh, this is what I’m meant to be doing!” feeling?

What if?
What if?
What if?

There it was. Finally, after all this time, there it was. The monster I was afraid to look in the eye. At last, I was forced to come face-to-face with this terrifying question. All of my worrying, all of my questions, EVERYTHING, had finally come to a head in one overwhelming, defining moment.

It doesn’t matter if I give birth or adopt. If I look for fulfillment in my children, for that feeling of total satisfaction, peace, and security, it will never come. From what I’ve observed, kids are not exactly manufacturers of satisfaction, peace, and security. Kids are wonderful and God uses them in unique ways to reveal pieces of the Gospel to us, but they can’t help but be like tiny convicting mirrors, reflecting your flaws back to you. If I look to my kids for contentment, I will never fully be at peace. I will never feel completely safe and established on steady ground. I am grossly imperfect, and my miniatures will be sinners too. There is only one Person in my life who doesn’t reflect my sin back to me when I look at Him.

Here’s the raw, unfiltered truth:

Christ. is. enough.

If I’m not able to physically have children, He is enough. If I have a difficult pregnancy, He is enough. If I am completely healthy and have lots of healthy babies, He is still enough.

No matter what, He is enough.

He is enough.
He is enough.
He is enough.

“But what if – ”

No. No more.

I have spent my entire life “What if”-ing. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t get caught up in stressing about things that haven’t even happened yet. God’s purpose for my life is not for me to be trapped in a constant web of panic, fear, and doubt. He has never been unfaithful to me at any point in our relationship, and He won’t fail me now. His plans for me are always good; I know I can bank on that.

This series doesn’t exactly have a ‘happy ending’. It doesn’t end with me being like “And now I’m pregnant and everything’s JUST SO PERFECT!”, though that would have been a neat way to announce it. :) I’m still scared. I’m scared of things that are out of my control. I’m scared of having a perfectly healthy baby and then ruining it with terrible parenting. I am the world’s worst at creating unnecessary things to worry about, but the best truth in the world is Christ is enough for me. Jesus is and always will be better than anything else I’ll ever want. Lord, make my heart believe it.

“Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
    they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
    in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.”
— Psalm 112:6-8 (NIV)

“The Lord is good,
    a stronghold in the day of trouble;
he knows those who take refuge in him.”
— Nahum 1:7 (ESV)

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
    My hope is in you.”
— Psalm 39:7 (ESV)

Wanting // Waiting // Worrying // Withdrawing: Part II

Capture

Being around the Burkes while Trinity was growing that first year was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I had such great conversations with Brittany about being a mom, and about being a wife while being a mom, but I learned just as much just by watching the three of them together. The more time we spent with them, the more the guilty coldness surrounding my heart began, ever so slowly, to thaw. Little piece by little piece quietly dripped away until one day, I startled myself by thinking, You know what? I think maybe we could do this after all.
Wanting // Waiting // Worrying // Withdrawing: Part I


Since we got married, Daniel and I have consistently had the same timing mindset as far as kids go. We made a pact early on that if one of us started wanting a baby and the other person hadn’t said anything yet, the one wanting a baby would speak up. We had ‘check-in’ conversations every so often just to make sure we were still on the same page, and each time, our mutual agreement was “Not yet.”

Until one sweet day, when our mutual “Not yet” turned into a mutually nervous but excited “…………..Yes….!!!!” I was convinced I would get pregnant immediately. I just knew I was the most fertile person walking the planet.

The first month went by.

Then the second.

Then the third.

Friends around me began to get pregnant right and left, some with their next child. I celebrated with each of them sincerely, rejoicing that God was blessing them for the first or second or even third time. But even though next to no time had gone by since our decision, I couldn’t seem to quiet the steadily-growing panic inside me, fueled by a nagging voice that kept whispering things like….

Why aren’t you pregnant yet?
Why is it taking so long?
It didn’t take ____ long at all.

What’s wrong with you?
Something must be wrong.

What if you’re infertile?
What if you can’t ever have children?
What if you get pregnant and miscarry?

You’re never going to have kids.
Your parents will resent you for not giving them grandchildren.
Your life-long hope and dream will never come true.

I knew that these thoughts were not from the Lord, but it was very hard to take such pervasive and haunting thoughts captive. I didn’t want to think about stuff like that, but just “trying not to think about it” did absolutely no good. (If you weren’t already aware, let my story be proof that Satan does not fight fair. He will jump at any chance to take your deepest fears and spread them out in front of you, paralyzing you and distracting you from your ultimate purpose of glorifying God with your life. I made the mistake of dwelling on my fears and giving him opportunity after opportunity.) I struggled with the knowledge that it was possible to want something good, something God created the desire for, but that God could still choose not to give it to me. I also felt silly for freaking out, considering the fact that it had only been a few months and we weren’t even necessarily trying to have a baby. The few people I had talked to about it had all but rolled their eyes at me, telling me what I already knew – that we hadn’t been trying that long and that worrying wouldn’t help anything. So I stopped talking about it. I was emotionally confused enough without someone telling me to stop worrying.

Just a few months shy of a year later, Daniel and I were laying in bed one night, almost asleep but still talking to each other drowsily. Sleepily and half-jokingly, Daniel said, “So…do you still want a baby?” I half-laughed in response, but suddenly my eyes started filling up with tears. Daniel had rolled back over by this point and from his even breathing, I could tell he was finally asleep. I stared up at the ceiling and thought, Do I? The last year had been draining and disappointing. Each month, I knew I was waiting for something, I just didn’t know which thing it would be. And each month that came and went without requiring a pregnancy test made me feel like my body was mocking me: “Well, you failed this month! Try again next time.” I didn’t know how much more of that I could take. To add insult to injury, that mocking voice kept reminding me that I was impatient and stupid because it had only been a YEAR. I knew people who had been really really trying to have kids for much longer, and people who had stopped trying because they had been told it would never happen. I felt like an idiot for being so frustrated and so distrustful of God after such a short period of time.

I realized something that night. Even though we had decided we were ready for kids, I hadn’t truly opened my heart to the idea. In that short year, I had my heart broken over and over by multiple stories of friends who joyfully announced their pregnancies, only to lose their sweet babies weeks later. Multiple friends. It wasn’t until the last few years that I realized how common miscarriages are, and I have since reached a place of debilitating worry. Something that used to seem so rare suddenly became a possible reality I might have to face. I couldn’t deal with it, and without knowing it, I started to withdraw and shut down. I convinced myself that if I didn’t let myself want kids with my whole heart, I wouldn’t be COMPLETELY shattered if/when it didn’t happen. Just a little bit shattered is better than completely shattered…right? I set up emotional buffers for every worst case scenario. I wanted kids desperately, but I was afraid to want them. I was afraid to get too attached to the idea, because….what if it never happened?

What if my fears were true?
What if this ‘thing’ that I wanted to do my entire life didn’t happen?
What then?


If you missed Part I, read here.
Read Part III here.

Actually Embracing the Chaos

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For those of you waiting for Part II of my series about having kids – don’t worry, it’s coming soon! I just have to take a moment to tell you how much of a hypocrite I am.

My vision for this space has grown so much over the last few years, and it’s been both exhilarating and terrifying. I’ve been frustrated for a long time with the lack of transparency and vulnerability within “Christian” friendships, and I knew I wanted to foster an environment for honest conversation about things that really matter. I also knew that God gifted me with the ability to write, and write well. The real struggle wasn’t knowing whether to start this project; it was deciding what to call it.

I must have come up with 47 different blog names, ranging everywhere from boring to trendy to cheesy to nonsensical to just plain weird. I finally came up with “The Most Beautiful Chaos,” which later changed to “The Most Glorious Chaos,” “Glorious Chaos,” and finally “Embracing the Chaos.” I sat on that new name for about a week, rolling it around in my brain and eventually deciding I liked it. It seemed to be the perfect fit. “Embracing the chaos” meant accepting the fact that life is messy while recognizing that our great God holds it all within His very capable hands. This name captured the essence of what I wanted this blog to be. But it wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that it dawned on me…..I’m not even embracing my own chaos.

Here’s what happening in my life right now.

  • Daniel and I hardly see each other because I’m constantly traveling for work because I’m a college recruiter. (AKA, I’m up early and home late with little time for my husband or sleep or…well, I would say cleaning, but HA who are we kidding, I never clean until the five minutes before people come over.)
  • It’s budget season, so Daniel is busier with work as well.
  • Also, Daniel is basically never not studying for the CPA.
  • I wonder constantly when kids will enter the Hendrickson equation, going back and forth between wanting to be pregnant and being glad I’m not yet. I’m fearful of the unknown.
  • I’m in two weddings back-to-back in December, so my weekends are filled to the brim with trying on dresses and party-planning. Daniel’s the best man in one of them…I’m the maid of honor…we get to walk together. #wecute
  • We lead a neighborhood small group at our house every week.
  • We have multiple commitments at our church.
  • Daniel’s car decided to be broken, so we took it to the shop and have been down to one car. (Which made my traveling for work extremely difficult.)
  • The day Daniel’s car was supposed to be fixed, my passenger side window fell off the track and is permanently down. It’s 90 degrees.
  • After dumping 5 Tupperware containers of uneaten disintegrated leftovers down the sink, I discovered our garbage disposal stopped working.
  • We miss our dear friends who have moved away and long to see them but have too few free weekends.
  • On top of all of that…we just bought a new house in Durant and will be moving – in less than two months! (Ahh!! More about this new adventure coming soon!!)

Sigh. I need a breather. All of this has happened in less than two weeks.

The most recent thing I found out about was my car window. When Daniel texted me, I was driving back from a college fair and was already completely worn out mentally and physically. My initial reaction was angry and ugly. I turned the radio down, threw one hand in the air, and blurted out, “What’s next, God?? What is next?? What else are you going to do to us?? Why can’t we just have ONE DAY where nothing happens?” I sped down I-35, fuming and listing off every mess we were stuck in the middle of.

I texted Daniel, “What the hell is our life right now.”
He responded with, “Chaos.”

I paused.

Chaos.

Oh my gosh, I am such an idiot.

I turned the radio back up and “First” by Lauren Daigle started playing.

“Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You”

My eyes filled with tears and I sang every word with my whole heart. When did I stop believing that God was holding every bit of our chaos in His very capable hands? He wasn’t doing any of this TO us. The truths about His goodness and His grace and His love toward us were still true. His gospel rescued us and continues to rescue us in the middle of our mess. The beauty of Him saving us outweighs any frustration I felt over our temporary situation.

This season is really difficult. I won’t pretend like I’ve trusted God completely without reservation since that sweet moment in my car, because I haven’t. I’ve gotten angry again, and I’ve gotten scared again. I’ve chosen to mistrust God instead of remembering all the times He’s been faithful to us in the past. But it’s so funny to me that He gave me the name “Embracing the Chaos” for this blog. I had no idea how relevant it would become.

Thank you so much to all of you who have followed “Embracing the Chaos” so far, whether you’ve read a few posts or every single one. I have no clue what God has planned for this space or for our lives, but I know one thing: His plans are always good.

Wanting // Waiting // Worrying // Withdrawing: Part I

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I’ve always wanted kids. Always. Schools and jobs have come and gone, but marrying and having kids have been my two strongest and most powerful lifelong wishes. There’s never been a specific career path or job that has made me think, “That’s what I’m meant to do,” and I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t know what my ‘thing’ was, while everyone else around me already seemed to know. And yet, looking back, when I really sit and think about having kids – raising them, playing with them, watching them learn and grow and become useful tools in the hand of God – I feel a quiet but unrelenting stirring in the deepest part of my person. It’s as if my soul is earnestly longing for its purpose to be fulfilled, straining forward toward this elusive ‘thing’ that will finally satisfy my long-held dreams. It’s a glimmer of something both scary and wonderful.

It’s wonderful because it’s a desire that God planted long ago.

It’s wonderful because I’ve seen that beautiful purpose fulfilled in my friends’ lives through their own children.

It’s wonderful because it’s an unmerited gift.

It’s scary because it’s not a ‘sure thing’ like I assumed it was when I planned my life out as a 9-year-old.


When Daniel and I got married, I panicked about kids for a little while. I took about 9 pregnancy tests in our first year of marriage alone, completely convinced every time that I was pregnant. It wasn’t that my desire for kids had changed, I just didn’t feel ready. We were still getting to know each other and arguing about really stupid things like toothpaste and trash bags – so how on earth were we ready to be in charge of a tiny, needy human??

I remember one of the worst lunch breaks of my entire life with painful clarity. It was, as I mentioned, one of those months that I was certain I was pregnant (about six months into marriage, I think). I wanted to wait until I knew for sure, so I hadn’t told Daniel about my symptoms. I went to the store to pick up a test, just knowing I would run into someone I knew and be found out. When I got home, I took the test, put it on the bathroom counter, and sat on the floor against the bathtub with my knees pulled up to my chest. I don’t want to be pregnant, I thought. My heart pounded and my head spun with worry. How could I think that? I was married, for goodness’ sake! It was ACCEPTABLE now. And this was what I wanted my entire life. How could I be so afraid? For my mom friends who are thinking, “Oh honey, I was scared too, everyone is at first” – I’m telling you, there was no excitement. There was no joy. It was straight-up fear, anxiety, and panic. No part of me wanted to see a plus sign on that little plastic stick. I felt like the worst future mom in the entire world. How could I tell everyone I didn’t want a baby when I found out I was having one? I remember thinking, This is not how I want to feel when I find out I’m pregnant. This can’t be my story.

The longest two minutes of my life were finally up. With shaking legs, I dragged myself off the floor and picked up the test, closing my eyes for a brief moment and taking a ragged breath.

It was negative.

OH THANK GOD. OH MY GOD THANK YOU GOD.

Instantly, my heart flooded with guilt over my feelings of relief. I can think of few times in my life when I’ve felt more guilty than I did in that moment. I felt so sinful and terrible and hypocritical. How could I beg God for children my entire life, and then panic when it looked like those prayers were actually answered?

Another fear loomed even larger: would I always feel this way?

During the next year and half, I continued to struggle with guilt and worry. People asked us constantly when we would be having kids – because that’s just the next question you get asked after you get married – and every time, without fail, I would smile disarmingly and say something noncommittal like “Oh, we’ll see…!”, all while falling apart mentally and trying really hard not to fall apart in front of them. I had reached a point where I resigned myself to the fact that I just would not be excited when I found out I was pregnant. I knew (hoped, more accurately) that I would get excited eventually, but my expectations were low. I was constantly scared of getting pregnant, plagued by fears that sounded ridiculous if I said them out loud, like (1) that I would never be excited and be the only mom in the world who didn’t love her baby, or (2) that having a baby was going to completely ruin my relationship with Daniel, or (3) that Daniel wouldn’t love our baby as much as me.

And then…our dear friends, Wes and Brittany Burke, had their first daughter. Beautiful, funny, charming Trinity Beth. And everything changed.


The day after Trinity was born, I went to the hospital on my lunch break to see Brittany. We ended up in the room by ourselves because her family had just left to get lunch, and a nurse had taken Trinity back to the nursery for a little while. I had just seen Brittany the night before, when Daniel and I went up to say congratulations and hold baby girl for the first time, but I couldn’t get over how much different Brittany looked. It had barely been 24 hours, and yet she looked so…wise. Like it made perfect sense for her to be a mom and she was already the best one in the world. She looked exhausted, of course, but she had this glow around her, like absolutely nothing could have stolen her joy away.

As we visited, the funniest thing began to happen: Brittany starting addressing my exact fears about parenthood without even knowing it. I’ll never forget when she said, “You know, Trinity’s only a day old, but I’ve already fallen in love with Wesley so much more than I ever thought was possible. Just watching him take care of her and be so protective over her already…it’s amazing to watch him be a dad.”

It was all I could do not to melt into a giant puddle of tears. I felt God’s presence so powerfully in that hospital room. How could she have known that those words were exactly what I needed to hear?

Wes and Brittany were the first of our close friends that we got to watch transition from dating, to engagement, to marriage, to new parenthood, and we spent a lot of time together in all of those seasons. During the first year of Trinity’s life, Daniel and I had the supreme honor of seeing and hearing the unedited version of married parenthood – and it was the messiest, most chaotic, most BEAUTIFUL thing I have ever witnessed. We got to watch them disagree, problem-solve, reconcile, and flourish in every area in between. We got a front-row seat to some of their sweetest moments as new parents, watching Trinity try new food and learn how to do new things. The older she got, the more she could interact with us. I had never seen Daniel around a baby before, and it was fascinating and heartwarming.

One of the most heart-stopping moments was a game night at Wes and Brittany’s house. I don’t know how this happened, but all of the girls were all sitting at the dining room table playing a game, and all of the guys, minus Wes, were gathered around Trinity on the floor. I glanced over at one point and by sheer luck managed to sneak this ADORABLE (albeit horribly captured) picture:

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HE. WAS. BRUSHING. HER. HAIR. *heart exploding*

Being around the Burkes while Trinity was growing that first year was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I had such great conversations with Brittany about being a mom, and about being a wife while being a mom, but I learned just as much just by watching the three of them together. The more time we spent with them, the more the guilty coldness surrounding my heart began, ever so slowly, to thaw. Little piece by little piece quietly dripped away until one day, I startled myself by thinking, You know what? I think maybe we could do this after all.


Read Part II here.
Read Part III here.